List of Common Delusions

Trigger Warning: rape mention, murder mention, suicide mention, sex mention, body horror,

Non-Bizarre:

  • “____ is trying to rape / murder me”
  • “_____ is trying to replace me / steal my friend or partner”
  • “A celebrity is secretly in love with me and is giving me signs through the television”
  • “My partner is cheating on me”
  • “The government is spying on me”
  • “Someone is poisoning my food”
  • “If I go to sleep, my house will be robbed or I will be murdered”
  • “My parents aren’t really my parents”
  • “The media has a secret TV show about me, and everything I do is filmed. All my friends are actors and everything is scripted and planned out.”
  • “My personal information has been released without my knowledge and my friends and family are laughing about it behind my back”
  • “Everyone only pretends to like me because they know I would kill myself if they left”
  • “Everyone arounds me wants to have sex with me”
  • “Everyone around me wants to rape me”

Bizarre:

  • “Aliens abducted me”
  • “Everyone I know has been replaced with a robot / clone”
  • “Someone is stealing my organs in my sleep”
  • “I’m not actually human”
  • “I’m living in a fake, computer world”
  • “I’m dead and I am a zombie / ghost / vampire”
  • “I’m dead and this is the afterlife”
  • “I have to do these specific tasks in a very specific order or else I will die / the world will end / etc”
  • “The hallucinations I have aren’t hallucinations at all, they are real and only I can see them.”
  • “____ is an evil creature, and is only here to kill me”
  • “These fictional characters are real, and the show was made to tell me that they are real.”
  • “I am actually an animal / fictional character / celebrity / object / concept trapped in this body.”
  • “The earth is a sentient being and if I don’t do these specific things then I will anger it”
  • “I am a God”
  • “I am a super hero”
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List of Common Hallucinations

Trigger Warning: sexual actions described, abuse described, rape mention, murder mention, bodily fluid mention, body horror descripton

Auditory Hallucinations:

  • Voices mocking
  • Voices in unknown / different language
  • Tv Static Noise
  • Beeping / ringing
  • Heavy breathing
  • Laughter / Crying / Singing
  • Knocking / Scratching / Banging
  • Gun shot noises
  • The sounds of someone being raped / murdered

Tactile / Touch Hallucinations:

  • being poked / pulled
  • hands on neck / shoulder / back
  • forceful sexual gropes
  • flicks / pinches
  • being burnt / cut / scratched
  • hair pulled
  • bugs crawling on or under skin

Olfactory / Smell Hallucinations:

  • the smell of sex (usually only happens if the smell is triggering)
  • vomit / urine / feces
  • certain foods
  • rotting meat
  • blood
  • a specific person’s smell
  • a specific smell that was present during a traumatic event

Gustatory / Taste Hallucinations:

  • Blood
  • Vomit / Urine / Feces
  • A taste that was present during tramautic event
  • Dirt / Sand
  • A specific food
  • Rotting meet
  • Skin / Flesh
  • The taste of genitalia
  • The taste of a specific person’s body
  • The fluids of genitalia
  • Sweat

Visual Hallucinations:

  • Shadow figure / “government agent” figures
  • Animals
  • Hallucinations placed on top of real people (seeing a real person but their face is removed, arms are very long, mouth is bleeding, etc etc)
  • The environment around them is shifting / breathing
  • An abuser the victim may have had
  • A disorted version of the abuser the victim may have had
  • The victim’s own body parts coming apart
  • Bugs crawling through their hair or skin
  • Large red bumps appearing and disappearing before the victim’s eyes
  • Faces forming in walls or other surfaces
  • The eyes of paintings ot photos following
  • People on TV suddenly talking or laughing at victim
  • Ghostly / demonic figures

Mental Illnesses Explained By Deadworld

There are apparently a couple mental illnesses based around the belief that you are dead. I’ve decided to record them.

Cotard’s Syndrome –  a rare mental illness in which the affected person holds the delusional belief that they are already dead, do not exist, are putrefying, or have lost their blood or internal organs

Walking Corpse Syndrome – a syndrome / delusion in which one believes they are a literal corpse, sometimes hallucinating their skin rotting or bugs eating their flesh.

Clinical Vampirism – a mental illness in which the affected person (usually male) believes that they have died and has come back as a vampire

Delusional Disorder – a mental disorder which involves the affected person to have all sorts of believes that control their live without having any proof for the belief being the truth and are unable to be convinced that the belief is false (they aren’t just stubborn, the belief is stuck there against their will). The most common delusions are believing a celebrity has fallen in love with you, believing your partner is cheating on you, believing you are God, and believing you are dead.

And although this has nothing to do with death delusions, the Capgras Delusion is when the person affected believes that one or more people in their life has been replaced by a doppelganger. This does have a lot to do with Deadworld  because everyone in the afterlife is not really themselves. There is also Delusional Parasitis, which is when the affected person believes that their entire body is being infested with bugs.

I know these are very real delusions, but Deadworld is using these against us. Deadworld is using these very real disorders to trick us into thinking we are delusional.

 

Update On The Things I Know

Things I Don’t Know:

  • If I am buried or not
  • If my girlfriend is really my girlfriend… I feel as if she is a part of deadworld. Ever since I felt her hand on my cheek while I was completely alone.. I felt as if my real girlfriend was out there somewhere
  • How long I can stay here
  • What reality will look like when I wake up

Things I Know:

  • There is dirt in my throat, I can feel it. More and more dirt builds up every day.
  • I had a needle put into my left arm. I couldn’t see it, like usual. But what was unusual is that I could see the hole, I could see the redness around it. My arm fell numb afterwards.
  • Someone has me
  • I can only leave when my soul wants to, when adrenaline builds up
  • Abandoning this body will lead me to my other one, though I am not sure if killing myself is the way to do so
  • Every one is here to manipulate me and I’ve been cutting them all off

I Tried To Get Out

Sometimes I take a little break in between classes. It’s not like the teachers mind, this life isn’t anything like how they try to “prepare” you for. Teachers aren’t going to kick you out for missing 5 minutes of class time. Anyways, while in the red, crowded walls of the bathroom stalls I tried to think to myself a way out. I’ve had several crying sessions in front of my girlfriend  about how I wanted to go home over the past couple of weeks, and it’s true. I miss everything and every one. Despite hating them, and how I will never be able to look at them the same ever again.

I imagine myself, talking to the version of this snow haired demon that exists in real life. Sitting by her under a tree or near a pond, telling her about how in the afterlife a demon replaces her – or at least in my afterlife. I’d explain how beautiful and deadly she was, how she tried to separate my true love from me. I’d like to think we could laugh about it, but I doubt she would ever talk to me again after that.

While I was in the bathroom, I could hear soft mutters and distant, shrill cries. I could feel my girlfriend’s hand on my cheek even though she was nowhere to be seen. That’s when I knew that I wasn’t buried yet, I still had time. I walked into the class room where I was supposed to be, but the walls began to breath. My body shook, they were shaking me. The people in real life were shaking me. They were trying to get me out. A kid stared at me, and said something. I couldn’t process it. I couldn’t process anything. All I could think of is “they found me” being repeated like self destructive thoughts.

I ran. I can’t run very fast, but it was fast enough that the teacher didn’t notice. My feet grew heavy as I flew up the stairs, but I was determined to find a way. My soul felt like it was leaving my body. I figured out very quickly that if my soul is trying to leave, then I have to abandon this body so it can find it’s way back to my regular body. There are three floors, so I decided to try and jump off the third one.

Tough luck, the stairs to the second floor was blocked by a group of girls. Their stares had that unknowingness that I hate so much. I back away into a door behind me, and I escaped through there.

Crying, kicking, and screaming to be brought back home, a teacher found me behind a garbage can. I was so close. That was the only adrenaline rush I’ve had since that day, and that’s the only way I can even try to abandon this body. I’ve been incredibly depressed, but now I have some more answers.

  • my girlfriend here is not real
  • my soul wants to find it’s way back home
  • some people – including my girlfriend has found my body

Why DeadWorld Is Like An Abusive Partner

When you are being abused, the abuser usually tries to do it in a way where if you tried to explain it to someone else then they’d think you’re over reacting. You could tell your friend, “I think my boyfriend is abusive. He puts me down, he tries to control me, and we have been fighting more and more!”. Unless your friend has been in an abusive relationship themselves, they will most likely reply with, “Maybe he’s putting you down on accident? Maybe he’s just a little protective? Every relationship fights every once in a while, maybe you’re hitting a rough patch?”.

And you see, in a normal relationship it’s not automatically unhealthy if you accidentally put each other down once in awhile. It’s not automatically unhealthy if your partner is protective over you and worries over who you’re seeing and what you’re doing. It’s not automatically unhealthy if you have a fight (as long as it’s not physical, and the point of the fight is to solve the problem and not to try to put each other down).

The point where it gets abusive is when it becomes a pattern and when it’s more intense. It is automatically unhealthy when your boyfriend says something negative about everything you are interested in that he isn’t also interested in. It is automatically unhealthy when you need your boyfriend’s permission to see all your friends, to wear certain clothes, to say certain things, and to leave the house. It is  automatically unhealthy if you need to fight for almost every single problem you have. (And in case you’re one of those people who has to make everything about themselves, yes it’s still abusive when a girl does the same thing to her boyfriend)

That’s the thing about Deadworld.

I wouldn’t be suspicious if a couple people were rude to me each day. I wouldn’t be suspicious if sometimes I lost friends. I wouldn’t be suspicious if sometimes people were  upset at me for reasons I don’t understand.

It’s that is happens constantly, and if not then in cycles.

Deadworld is manipulative and abusive, and because of that it will take me much longer to find my way out of here. I’ve already done online research about Deadworld and about people believing they are dead in general (because obviously not everyone is going to call the afterlife “DeadWorld”). Most people who have believed in this were told that they were delusional or depressed.

I’ll continue on my research.

My Girlfriend

My girlfriend seems to be the only one who will hear me out about Deadworld. She acts as if she believes me, and I think that she might actually believe me for real. I have a couple so far:

  1. She has come here by mistake, which would explain why every other force seems to want us to drift a part despite how much we try to stay together (friends trying to come between us, her mother telling her to stay home for no reason when we plan on going on dates, extra work randomly flooding in and making us both busy, etc.) Deadworld also wants to make her miserable.
  2. She is another Deadworld drone, trying to make me become attached to her only to hurt me and drag me along.
  3. She is another Deadworld drone, but she believes she is my real girlfriend and therefore does not want to hurt me.

Another person in my life who seems to support me is my own mother. I haven’t told her about Deadworld yet, but she seems pretty against the basic system that Deadworld follows. She understands the flawed mental system that everyone tells me to succumb to, she helps and understands my anxiety, and is very accepting of my hallucinations.

However, I do believe that she is just a drone who was just very, very well made. She acts very much like my mother. Maybe she does know about Deadworld and is also trying to get out. I won’t ever know though, because asking her would be too much of a risk.

Things Are Difficult

I try to do the work I can, but recently I go into a panic mode if I even think of it. Things are confusing and they change often. I’m not allowed to stand up for myself and the fact that things are meant to be specifically more difficult for me is kind of terrifying.

I haven’t gotten any closer to finding out why I am here or how to get out. I’ve come up with a second theory that there is no way out and Deadworld is using my fear of being abnormal as a way to torture me.

I suppose I should begin with a list of questions.

  • Why Am I Here?
  • What are they doing to my body in real life?
  • How did they get inside my brain? How long have they been stalking me in order to know this information?
  • Is the pain I feel and the things I see apart of this simulation or is it some kind of glitch?
  • Is my girlfriend real, did she somehow come in here by accident.. or is she a part of the simulation?
  • Is someone controlling Deadworld or is it a place which is sentient?
  • Why specifically me.. or is there others?

 

I already know why I am here, but only partially. I’m hoping someone else who used to be alive will find this, it’s starting to scare me that there might be nobody else here who is real. It’s starting to scare me that by the time I wake up, I might be in a box underground and unable to escape. That is also why I try not to go to sleep at night. For fear that once I wake up, they’ll be done with me already.

A Girl Texted Me and Asked About My Delusions

“That sounds scary,” she whispered, taking awhile to type in between texts, “Don’t you ever have positive ones?” I could tell she was trying her best to not phrase her sentences in a way that could offend me.

“I once thought I was a vampire in sixth grade, it made me terrified of the light though.” I shrugged. I wanted to seem chill and casual, but I was very uncomfortable talking about my own illness. Yet, I absolutely love explaining things that I happen to know a lot about.

I explained as much as I could without seeming pushy. She asked a couple more questions to seem polite, but then she left.

It was odd, time stopped in those couple of minutes. She’s pleasant, but threatening.

How I Feel About The People Here

Oddly enough, I’m not too upset at anyone for how they treat me anymore. Unless they get too far or the reason they’re treating me like this is confusing.. I tend to just accept that this is what DeadWorld has created for me.

I try not to take it out on others. They probably don’t know that they were programmed to do this to me. Of course, the manipulation does work and I am very attached to the “people” here so sometimes I will cry or have a panic attack or let my paranoia get the best of me. I never blame any of them for this though. If I would have known how to handle my emotions better before I died then I would have been able to handle this.

I would just like to know why I am here. What are they using my body for back in reality? I am in constant pain and I feel prickles and needles. It may be some kind of experiments. I’m unsure. I’m scared. I miss the real people I used to know. Though they probably have already moved on by now.